Kidapawan Guidelines For A Liberal Party Troll

John Goodman - AvatarThe following memo was recently discovered by one of our crew. And seems to be a set of specific guidelines for the Yellow Army’s bloggers, trolls deodorants, and apologists regarding the recent Kidapawan incident. The memo explains the hardcore level of mind altering bullshit and unconscionable statements that must be rained down upon the unsuspecting readers by the Yellow Army and even high government officials who we thought, for some unknown reason, should have known better.

Keep in mind though. While the following deals with only the one incident. It should be agreed upon, that this kind of shit must be happening on a near daily basis. And with the recent shift in many of these characters simply doing hit & run posts, while rarely defending anything. What’s stated in parts of the memo, reflect as such.

Here is the suspected memo in its entirety:


In the face of so much hatred against our dear President and our dear Next President coming from those who support these farmers who don’t know their proper place in society, please be guided by the following rules of engagement on this issue:

  1. Do not answer questions about El Nino rice subsidies and other relief aid. Portray the farmers as mendicant and inconsiderate fools who cannot wait. Invent dates when government supposedly helped farmers. Tell people who ask questions that they are “tools of the Left”, and “maraming masyadong alam”.
  2. Do not sympathize with the farmers. Ignore facts like the authority given to police to bring and use guns with live ammo against the farmers. Invent stories about the farmers bringing and using stones, hollow blocks and even guns. Pretend that you were there so you could say that you know better.
  3. Accuse the farmers of being ignorant fools and merely manipulated by leftists. Demonize the leftists. Sow intrigue about their participation in and support for farmers. Do not at all costs honor their long-time support for farmers, and do not remind people of the long history of farmers’ revolts against hunger and landlordism. Promote the idyllic view that farmers are living happily and peacefully, and were only manipulated by leftists to leave their homes in the middle of summer to wage a barricade for several days against duly-constituted authority!
  4. Confuse the public by raising fantastic and crazy questions like: Why did the farmers bring with them their kids? (Pray that no one points out the obvious answer that their communities are in the middle of a deadly drought and leaving the kids to die is the irresponsible thing to do.) Why were they raising issues about militarization if they were only after rice subsidies? (Pray again that the public would be reminded of military killings of Lumads).
  5. While demonizing farmers, also demonize their supporters. Accuse everyone else of being leftists or conned by leftists. Raise unnecessary suspicion even about the pro-farmer hashtag and the web posters. Try to make it look like the supporters planned the hashtag and webposters ahead of the dispersal operations. That the supporters wanted the dispersal operations to be bloody in order to use the hashtag and the web posters. Use the hashtag #BigasHindiPropaganda for effect. Disregard the possibility that many people are supporting the farmers, including many bloggers, netizens and social media strategists. (Pray that you wouldn’t be respected after this).
  6. Praise the police, especially the injured. Highlight their injuries. Spread the notion that policemen also “have rights” to stun them into forgetting that the police are “alagad ng batas”and thus bear heavy responsibility for the proper discharge of their duties. Ignore and kill any discussion about the proper role of the police as protectors of people. Do not entertain any attempt to remind the public how these policemen brought and used guns to mow down the farmers.
  7. Laugh at people supporting the farmers. Tell them they are unintelligent and easily manipulated. Make it cool to look down and belittle farmers and their supporters.
  8. Attack people who are raising questions to the President, the administration and the next President Mar Roxas. Do not take prisoners. Insult them until they get quiet. They don’t deserve the attention of the President and the next President. They have better things to do than to entertain these pobre people and their manipulators.
  9. Call for sobriety but direct it to the farmers and supporters. Make it look like they were the ones who started this problem. Make the people forget that this is about El Nino. There must be peace and quiet, and it will only come if the farmers go home and the supporters give up. Make the police look like as immaculate and blameless as the President.
  10. If circumstances force you to discuss the problem, belittle the issue of drought and El Nino and make every effort to change the conversation. Use loaded terms like “opportunist groups”, “irresponsible actions”, “manipulation”. This way, the discussions will descend into chaos and intrigue.

We will also unleash the two Krakens, codenamed The Hexplainer and Joe, to give us a semblance of intellectual strength and level-headedness. All the other bloggers and journalists worship them. Those jerks go nuts over whatever these two Krakens will write. Proceed to retweet and repost whatever our two Krakens will say. Make it look that their views are the most reasonable. Make the others look petty, merely manipulated, unintelligent and below par.

At the end of this episode, the immaculate President Aquino and the next President Mar Roxas would personally make separate statements. We will portray them as the best president and best next president. Mar Roxas will be the hero of Kidapawan. They are the best people to handle any crisis.

For strict compliance and immediate implementation.


So there you have it folks. Another piece of the bullshit political puzzle, known as the Philippine political arena has been exposed for your enjoyment. Of course this shit is happening the world over. But in this silly place? Talk about taking this shit to the extreme bullshit level.

Lance

Just a regular “Joe” who decided the rat-race in the states was getting to ridiculous for words, and made the move to the Asian side of life.

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